You can imagine how much it hurts for people like me who never had a father figure in their lives. We are dealing with a great deal of pain, confusion, and despair. We are filled with rage, sadness, and feelings of inadequacy. We are constantly asking ourselves, “What if?” What if we were raised by our fathers? What if I had more love in my life?
It is not only those who have never grown up with a father who struggles but even those who had a father but were neglected or never showed any love. This affects us in various ways, and it is important to be aware of it in order to become better people, future parents, and caregivers.
You are a people pleaser
It is easy to become fearful of losing others after losing a parent. As a result, we become so accustomed to pleasing others that we lose sight of ourselves in the process. People-pleasing manifests as difficulty saying no, pursuing a career that pleases your family, being concerned about what others think of you, or being untrue to yourself. The list of examples is endless, but the most important thing to remember is that you do not have to feel guilty for choosing yourself first and doing what is best for you.
You are fearful
Being rejected by a father figure makes one feel scared and anxious. Low self-esteem is caused by fear. You become afraid of being abandoned as a result of it. This has an impact on your relationships with others because, even though you want to be close to others, being close scares you. If you find yourself constantly pulling away from a healthy partner, check-in with yourself to see why.
You are codependent.
It is easy to become codependent when you have legitimate father relational needs that have not been met and you are doing your best to deal with fear and rejection. A person who is codependent is also a people pleaser. They lack boundaries, struggle to make decisions, and frequently seek approval. Accepting and then addressing the trauma and anxiety that comes with an absent father figure is one way to heal from codependency. Know that it is not your responsibility to take care of anyone except yourself.
You are attracted to chaos
A tumultuous childhood can lead to a close association with toxic people and situations. Confusion addiction is a reality in which you allow others to control your life by engaging in toxic relationships or driving yourself into a toxic life. You may not believe that you are deserving of orderly life, and you may find yourself attracted to the wrong people.
You are always seeking affection.
A lack of affection Your entire childhood may have influenced your desire for affection for the rest of your life. You want to be poured into love and care so badly that you seek it from the wrong people, just like you want attention. It can appear as if you are rushing from one relationship to the next without giving yourself a chance to heal. This could lead to a constant search for commitment in a relationship. In addition, disappointments from our partners can bring depression and anxiety.
You are distant and apathetic.
Being disengaged from life can rob us of love, good health, and the ability to find fulfillment. Apathy is a defense mechanism that allows us to avoid caring about others and the trauma we have experienced. Being emotionally distant can be harmful to those who love and care for you. It deprives you of the ability to take control of your life and interact with reality.